Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
