You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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