hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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