My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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