its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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