i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??