oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
