All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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