I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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