im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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