you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
