So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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