I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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