Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
