Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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