I don't think brook has ever known best
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
