Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
