It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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