we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
