its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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