so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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