dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
