Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
