So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
