Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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