What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
