I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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