blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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