It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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