I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
