Screwed.edu
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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