Only a mothe r could love this liver
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
