stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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