I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
