Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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