i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
