Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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