I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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