You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
