When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
