Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
