Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
