I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
