You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
