community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
