Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
