Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
