so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
