Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
