What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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