Just fell off a train. Bad.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
