It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
