I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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