Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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