things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
