I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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