She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
