Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
