You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
