I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
