My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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