I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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