I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
