Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
