God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
