yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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